Choose Joy

This is the Remembrance I wrote and read at Harper's Celebration of Life Service:

In June of 2005 we were blessed with the second of what would become a trio of beautiful daughters. From the start, Harper has been a feisty, strong willed child.  Her spirit is something with which we sometimes battled when our views of the world differed, but is also something that we cherish. Her spirit and spunk is something she cannot and will not hide - it is part of her and a key to her personality. A defining characteristic.

We did not know in 2005 what this tiny bundle would be destined to become, but as time passed we came to know that Harper would be something special. Only after her diagnosis in May 2013, in the face of incredible adversity, did the true strength and power of her persona begin to show itself.

Harper became a light in the dark for those around her.  After coming to grips with her diagnosis and the hand she was dealt, she began to dispel shadows around her with a glow of positivity, hope and joy. Her smile became infectious, and even sitting in a chair, with poison dripping into her veins, making her sick beyond comprehension, her playful attitude lifted the spirits of not only those caring for her but those who simply had the pleasure of being in her presence.

I will not focus on the battle which she fought, but on the victory she claimed.  After 10 months of chemotherapy and radiation she emerged NED or No Evidence of Disease. We planned and hosted a party in her honor where friends and family came to celebrate her victory. We played, and danced, and laughed and cried. It was a beautiful day.

That day of jubilation is the day I choose to keep in my mind.  It is the picture of Harper that I will continue to cherish.  It is the image I hold dear and force my mind to when sadness attacks.  It is my rock - my happy place.

As we now know, that day did not last.  That day was a peak from which things would fall. 

Again, I will not focus on the battle, but instead on the way with which Harper chose to fight it. 

Harper chose joy. At the darkest moments, she could still smile. And she would. Her big, gorgeous hazel eyes radiated love.  Her laugh could make a room smile. And it did.

Many have worn, throughout this experience, bracelets emblazoned with the words “Hope for Harper.” A constant reminder of the battle she was fighting and that despite the odds and the adversity, we embraced and willed hope. And Harper personified that hope. And she still does.

I choose not to allow myself to yet transition to referring to Harper in the past tense.  When I speak of what she has done, I can look back and marvel at the history, but I refuse to acknowledge that there is no future. Harper is still here, in each of us who was touched by her spirit.

Harper physically left us - a conscious choice I believe she made, betrayed in her eyes as she opened them and looked at Melissa and I mere hours before the end. But she did not lose hope, and she did not lose joy.

She took those qualities, with which she enriched the world, and carried them on to Heaven. She is right now blessing the angels and those departed before her with her love, her light, her hope, her joy. She is still Harper - still bringing hope and light and joy to those there and to us here as well.

She is playing with her friend Lydia, whom she met in clinic. Despite our statements and decisions that we would not allow her to become close to other cancer patients - the likely outcome too difficult to fathom - Harper chose joy and shared it with Lydia, someone who had a similar life experience and with whom she could relate. Lydia proceeded Harper, but they are together now.

I know she is riding horses, and smiling and laughing, without pain, without fear and choosing joy.  We are heartbroken at her leaving us, but she is now happy, without the weight of human existence to hamper her spirit.

Harper always chose joy, and so, inspired by her, I do so also. Me and my family choose joy.  We ask that you also choose joy. The hole in our hearts is real, and cannot be diminished - we have lost a light in our lives that cannot and will not be replaced. But we choose joy because we know that Harper would choose it too.

Choose to embrace the time you are given. Love those around you without hesitation.  Forgive and live life without regret.

Take from Harper what she freely gave to anyone she met - Hope and Joy.

Today we share once more from the lessons Harper taught us during the precious time she spent with us - and ask you take with you a bracelet that does not say Hope for Harper - for she needs it not - but instead says “Hope FROM Harper” and “Choose Joy”

Harper has improved our lives, enriched our spirits, and I ask that you each, in whatever way you can, embrace the little piece of Harper that she gave to you.  Take Hope from Harper.

And Choose Joy.