Getting Tired

We all say it. "I'm tired." Whether we mean physical fatigue or mental exhaustion, it is a common complaint among human beings.

Tired comes with age. It also comes with physical or emotional stress, and often a combination. Lack of proper sleep can also prompt us to tell others of our malaise.

But we're currently learning about another type of tired - one I personally wasn't familiar with before. It's not emotional tiredness, which we certainly are. It's a physical tiredness, but not the kind you might initially think of.

Harper was diagnosed on May 15. Not long after, she started chemo. On that day, and for many days following, we have pumped fluids filled with drugs into her bloodstream. Drugs that are technically poisons, causing cell death - but strangely that's what we're hoping for.

Initially, Harper reacted rather miraculously to the chemo. Or rather, she didn't react, physically, like was anticipated. Most people lose their hair (check) and experience extreme nausea (no check). Harper didn't really experience nausea. We medicated with Zofran before and after the chemo (a wonder drug, by the way) and she really never got too sick. At least not like we feared. The nurses and doctors were amazed at her strength.

Then we took a chemo hiatus (after 4 rounds) and Harper had her kidney out. Her hair started to grow back. After the initial pain and discomfort from the surgery, Harper was looking good. Then we started back to chemo.

Since re-initiating chemo, we are starting to see signs of less and less resiliency with Harper. Her blood counts (especially her white cells) react far more violently to the chemo. In fact, her 6th round of chemo was delayed a week, waiting for her whites to come back up on their own. In the end we did some Neupogen to get them back up. We expect to use a lot more Neupogen going forward.

She also has been much more nauseous, vomiting often. Her appetite is waning again, and I'm not surprised given how upset her stomach has obviously been. And the nausea is prolonged - lasting days and days after chemo - not resolving quickly like before.

All in all, her body seems to be indicating - "I'm tired." Dealing with the infused poison is becoming a major battle, and Harper's little body is showing signs of battle fatigue.

We are 4 rounds from the end of the chemo course laid out. If we're lucky, that will be it. Just 12 more weeks (assuming no additional delays) and then her body can rest. And she's certainly due a vacation. She deserves it.

Until then, we carry on. 3-4 clinic visits a week, checking counts, getting chemo, conducting CT scans, administering breathing treatments... No wonder - with all that - we're all tired.