Last Thursday, we had anticipated outpatient chemo to begin. What happened instead was a "23-hour" admit for an unexpected rash and a nasty case of thrush. Thankfully, the rash is all but healed (and her file now reflects a sulfa allergy) and the thrush is gone. Good thing too - I can really only imagine how nasty that made her mouth feel...
We could have gone ahead with the chemo over the weekend, but considering Friday was her 8th birthday (and the pony surprise in store) we opted for a "hospital-free" weekend and chemo starting the following Monday.
While delaying chemo may sound bad at first blush, allowing her system to heal from the thrush infection and systemic reaction to the sulfa before hitting her with major chemo drugs makes some sense. On top of that, we started Megace (aka - Wonderdrug).
Megace is magic. We've gone from zero appetite to a reasonable appetite since we started it last Thursday. She was literally fighting us to take 3 bites an hour before - now she's asking for food and snacks. She gained 0.3 kg between Thursday and Monday. That might not seem like a ton, but considering she last 3 kg (at least) after leaving the hospital the first time, the weight GAIN is a miracle. We're hoping it continues.
The second place we've been a lot since late last week has been the riding barn. Thursday night was, of course, the big introduction of Harper (and her sisters) to the pony. At first she was named Hope. Then Princess Hope. And now (and I think this one will stick) Daisy. Regardless of her name, this little pony has really grabbed us (including me).
We've been out daily (except Monday) since she arrived. I've made 2 trips to Tractor Supply and 1 to Rural King, And each time I come home with some sort of treat for her.
We had 2 groups of family come down over the weekend, and both groups made the trek out to meet Daisy.
Our desire, of course, is that Harper see Daisy as a motivator - an inspiration to get better and stronger. Its been slow, and at times a struggle, but I think we're getting there.
Her big issue, I think, is she's convinced herself she's not strong enough to do anything with Daisy. To a certain extent, she IS frail and weak, and so, there ARE limited things she can do with Daisy. She focuses instead on what she can't do, then gets upset and wants to go home.
But, she's getting there. Today, at her chemo session, she asked us if we think she's strong enough to ride. Had to answer "no" of course, but we tried to tell her she would be strong enough soon, if she keeps eating. Despite having to give her a no to riding, it shows us where her head is - what she's thinking about, and that's riding - a good thing.
I've also attempted, this week, to both be there for her at her chemo AND get into the office. Its worked relatively badly, and I've felt like I'm doing both poorly.
I struggle, because I have a team at work who need me, and honestly, I need them. To a certain extent, work is a necessary distraction from the reality of home - and I need that at some points. But Harper, Melissa, Cadence and Finley need me too. And while I'm the "bread winner" and you have to work to eat (unless you're independently wealthy), I have realized that trying to do BOTH, especially while we're getting the chemo on a daily basis, just isn't working.
So, I'm going to forgo work for a few days, and focus on getting Harper (and the rest of the family) through chemo this week. Next week will bring another set of challenges, I'm sure, but this week I'm focusing on this week.
In the end, lots,of things, personal, work, family, etc - all vie for your attention. The challenge is determining your priorities. I've been reminded of mine.
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