Day +7 : Moving Forward

Those born on February 29th live with having their birthday only once every 4 years. Harper lived (although briefly) with an opposite existence - she had three birthdays.

One was her physical birth, June 7th, 2005.  The second was the day she received her first stem cell transplant.  And her third was the day she received her second stem cell transplant.

In the stem cell transplant world, the day of transplantation (which is seriously just a simple  infusion) is considered Day 0.  All other activity around the transplant is tracked according to how many days before or days after the transplant it occurs.

But a week ago, Harper gained another final and special birthday - the day she gained her heavenly birth, without pain; without anxiety; without cancer.

Day 0.

I don't imagine that heavenly existence is measured in the same way we measure time here on earth; but if it were, today would be Day +7.

One week ago today, Harper left us.  The pain is still fresh, still harsh, still sharp.  But if cliche's are based in truth (which I believe they are), time will heal our wounds.  And while Harper has no wounds to heal, those of us left behind certainly do.

Seven days has yielded little healing so far, but it is starting. I can now walk past Harper's room without tearing up.  Walking up the stairs and getting past her door was something I dreaded on Day 0. But we're still far from being able to go through her room and determine what we will do with her things.

The weekend of hugs and tears, remembering her and sharing her memory with those touched by her beauty has helped, and helped me realize you stop crying as your body becomes dehydrated. Spending time with family and friends, either talking fondly about her, or simply sitting quietly together has helped. Today (earlier than I expected) we were brave enough to listen to "Brave" in the car as we were driving.

Soon school will return for Cadence and Finley. I will return to work. Melissa is planning to disassemble and reassemble our house. We will evolve once again to something resembling normal.

Time will slowly erode the sharpness of the pain, but like mountains, it will take eons to smooth completely. Ultimately, it will take joining Harper for the pain to be permanently erased.

7 days down.  In another week, it will be 14. While we can't move on, we are moving forward.