Sometimes You Just Need Your Mommy

The day finally arrived. The doctors finally agreed it was time. The scans showed improvement - chemo had done its (initial) job. Harper's lungs are almost cleared, her liver tumors improved (smaller) and her kidney tumor reduced. It was time to take the kidney.

We had been waiting for that news for months. Originally, we thought we might be able to get the kidney removed after 2 rounds of chemo - 6 weeks in. Scans at that point showed improvement in the lungs and kidney, but no definitive improvement in the liver - and the liver was in the way.

To get at the affected kidney, they have to move the intestines and liver to the side. That's not easy to do when the liver is swollen with tumors. A complication. And with the tumors showing a positive reaction to the chemo, not a complicating risk the surgeons were willing to take just yet.

So, we did another 2 rounds (6 weeks) of chemo, and scanned again. This time - we were a go.

Now, we were excited, as we'd been hoping for the surgery. We'd been waiting to take out the "source" of the cancer. But, now we had major surgery staring us in the face. We asked for it - now we got it.

The morning came. We were walking calmly out the door at just after 7 when the hospital called wondering where we were. Our arrival time is at 8, right? Nope. Turns out they changed it to 7 - didn't tell us.

So, a normal drive in turned into an 85 mph adventure that my mother-in-law would probably like to forget. (Sorry about that!)

We arrived. We checked in. We went up to the surgical floor. Harper changed into her robe. They pumped her full of meds. She fell quickly to sleep. We did not. They wheeled her out of our view. We were no longer in control.

We waited. The OR actually called my cell every hour during the surgery. Small comfort, as they really didn't tell us much, but a nice gesture all the same.

Finally, she was done. It went well. They took the kidney (as planned). They left the adrenal gland (a plus). No unexpected complications. She didn't need blood. All good news.

Then to ICU. Harper's not a quick wake-er-up-er (no one in the family is) so it took longer than they expected for her to come out of the anesthesia. But, she finally did - and she was in pain.

Hours passed of attempting to manage the pain. All the while, her blood pressure was up. The last time we were in the ICU, it was because her blood pressure was WAY up. Not as bad this time, but still worrisome considering her new wounds.

Was it pain? Anxiety? Body reacting to all the stimulus and the lack of a major organ that helps regulate blood pressure? Who knows?

They monkeyed with her pain meds. They increased her Dilaudid dosage twice - which is in her PCA pump (patient-controlled-analgesia - the magic button). They've added fentanyl and Ativan as well, attempting to keep her calm and further control her pain.

After being in the ICU for more than 5 hours, I believe we've finally gotten the pain monster under control. She is resting relatively comfortably, with Melissa holding her hand.

Melissa has not been allowed to leave her side. Melissa is not allowed to let go of her hand. As soon as they wheeled her into her ICU room, she was asking for Mommy. I was rebuffed multiple times, until Mommy was at her side, and then I was allowed only as an addition, not ever as a replacement.

I was allowed (by Harper) to leave and go home and check on her sisters. Mommy was barely allowed to go use the restroom. I'm currently sitting in a chair, reclining, typing and watching the monitor that shows her vitals. Melissa is uncomfortably sitting in a chair next to her bed, holding her hand and attempting to lay her head on the bed to get a little rest.

It's ok, though. This little girl has been through a lot. Today she allowed a bunch of people she doesn't know to cut a hole in her from her sternum to her pelvis, root around in her insides and take a major organ out of her. She's due to spill some tears. She deserves to be a little cranky. And it's understandable she wants her Mommy.

Sometimes you need pain meds. Sometimes you need anxiety meds. Sometimes you need blood pressure meds.

And sometimes, you just need your Mommy.