Middle Child Syndrome

Whether you believe Middle Child Syndrome exists or not really doesn't matter. What matters is that most middle children, including our Harper, believe it to be a real condition. Cadence is always first - first in line, fastest in a race, etc. Finley is the center of attention - because she makes it so. Harper often, I believe, feels a little left out.

Well, today, and for the past few days, she has taken center stage, and not for a reason she or any of us would like.

This Mother's Day morning (Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my step-mom and my beautiful wife, btw) we sit in the Critical Care Unit of Kosiar Children's Hospital in Louisville. Not where I had expected to be.

We've been here since Friday, after a CT scan ordered by our incredible pediatrician showed a mass on Harper's kidney. Further reads have shown several other masses in her liver and lungs as well. On top of that, her Blood Pressure has been elevated since we arrived (likely because of her kidney tumor) and was rising out of control. After some intravenous meds, we ended in in the Critical Care Unit.

I never imagined we would be here. Our kids are so healthy. They are active, and Harper is especially spunky. It's such a shock to see her here, quiet.

At this point, we have no definitive diagnosis. A biopsy that will occur (hopefully) tomorrow should shed some light on what we're dealing with and what we have in front of us.

I'm not ashamed to say it - I'm scared. We're surrounded by incredibly talented doctors and nurses, family coming and calling from everywhere, friends clambering to get in to visit - but I'm still scared. This is something I can't fix. I feel powerless. My beautiful daughter's life is in danger.

I've joked for years that we had 3 kids so we had spares. That comment feels so heartless now. Before they were here, I couldn't imagine life with kids. Now that they're here, I can't imagine a happy life without them.

Harper and I have had our moments. We're both a bit hard-headed. But she is one of the primary lights in my life. I would do anything to help her. Would give anything to save her.

There are so many unknowns and nothing to do, at this point but to pray and wait. And we're doing plenty of both.