Small Victories

A war is made up of many battles. Victory at one battle does not mean winning the war, it just means you are one step closer. Likewise, losing a battle doesn't mean utter defeat. It just means the road ahead is a little bit harder. We are home now, and being in our own house is comforting, but the war rages on; the war has just shifted to a different battlefield.

Though we are now home, our daily battles are much the same - just fought from the comfort of our home instead of a hospital room. Eating and medication continue to be the big issues.

As we expected, the chemo appears to be affecting her taste buds. Food tastes different, and it puts her off many of her normally acceptable foods. She doesn't hate the normal foods, they just are not as appealing as they once were. Thankfully, sushi continues to be something she likes so as long as that holds out, I think we'll be eating sushi a lot.

Getting her to take her medicines is also an ongoing battle, with skirmishes several times a day. The most problematic is the antibiotic she's on - Augmentin ES. She hated it in the hospital, so I had it flavored at the pharmacy when we came home. She asked for strawberry. She still hates it. Then there is the issue of how many pills there are. She's only on a few things, but we started out trying to get her take them all at once. She has negotiated to the point that we have agreed to give them to her one at a time if we can.

We're doing some covert ops as well, in our bid to win this war. We're spiking her food and drinks as much as we can. I tried to putting protein powder in her Hawaiian Punch, which failed miserably, but we have been successful in putting Miralax in it. We also have been successful at passing off chocolate Ensure as hot chocolate, which she drinks when she takes her antibiotic liquid. Apparently the chocolate flavor helps deal with the bitterness of the Augmentin. We gave her the chocolate Ensure in the hospital cold, and she disliked it greatly - warm is better, so we've adapted. She has also tried and not hated the Ensure Clear, which is apple juice flavored. So, we push the hot chocolate, Hawaiian Punch and apple juice whenever we can.

A big part of our success at this point will also hinge on her willingness to fight. She is currently still having what I call a pity party for herself. She feels sick, and doesn't want to be the sick kid, so she mopes. On top of that she's so anxious about her central line (which I believe her is uncomfortable, but shouldn't be as painful as she acts) she doesn't want to move.

We need her to fight - and not fight us, but fight the disease, mentally. She is a fighter, but right now she sometimes points her fight at the wrong target. So, I've decided to correct her every time she says she's sick. I do not accept that she's sick. Yes, she has cancer, but unless she has an active infection, I do not classify her as sick (at least when talking to and around her). She can do anything she wants or puts her mind to - and I want to engage her in a conversation about what she can do, not what she can't.

So, the war rages on - in a different locale, but with many of the same forces at work. When she eats, even just a bite, we claim victory. When she swallows a pill, we claim victory. Small or not, it's moving us in the right direction. She's getting stronger, little by little, and we will win this war - one small victory at a time.