A New Normal

A common phrase I picked up on during our time at the hospital was "her normal." The nurses would say something like, "call when you notice she's not her normal." I wasn't exactly sure what that meant. I mean, I thought I did, but I was a little off.

See, there was the old normal Harper - the one we all knew. Energetic, playful, laughing. But, that normal is apparently buried deep within her right now. A new normal has emerged in its place.

This new normal is moody, sad, constantly in pain from something. The new normal hates noise, doesn't like to eat the things the old normal Harper liked, and sits, zoned out on the couch. The new normal is pessimistic, thinking that things will never get better, and constantly in fear of the next thing we're going to put her through or make her do.

I love Harper, but I don't really care for this new normal. In fact, I keep hoping this ISN'T the new normal, and is instead some sort of interim normal, and something better is just below the surface, waiting for just the right encouragement to come out.

That encouragement is where I'm struggling. Do I coax with kind, soothing words? Or do I challenge her thinking, remind her how strong she is inside and challenge her to break out? Or a combination, depending on the situation?

She does continue to improve. Today she walked down the street twice. She also asked me to take her to Panera (just the two of us) for lunch, which I did. She walked in on her own, and we moved seats 3 times before leaving (at her request because she was cold in every spot). She ate, and on her own.

But at other times, she was the all too recently familiar, anxious child who just wanted to cower when we asked her to take medicine or wanted to run (well, walk right now) away to her room when her sisters were the least bit loud.

A bit hot and cold. I guess right now we're not having good days and bad days. We're having good hours and bad hours. Actually, it changes by the minute.

I'm still hoping our new normal has yet to fully form, and that it is closer to the spunky little girl with fire in her belly that I knew before all this started.

Fight, Harper, fight. We're all here to fight with you. Lets make fighting our new normal.