Merry Christmas

No presents. No tinsel. No gathering round the tree.

No carols. No feasting. No squeals of delight opening gifts.

This has not been a traditional Christmas for us. Hell, it's hardly felt like Christmas at all.

Instead we have beeping monitors, IV tubing and the ongoing whooshing of a ventilator. Instead of family and friends coming to visit, we have doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists, and X-ray technicians. No giggles on Christmas morning, but no shortage of monitor alarms.

But Christmas is not about presents. It's not about lights and food and carols. It's about the love of family and friends.

Despite our physical distance I have never felt more loved during a Christmas holiday that I have this year. Despite Melissa and I camping out in a small ICU room, despite Harper's inability to communicate more than a yes or no headnod, despite everything that makes this the most unlikely Christmas, we know we are loved and can feel it from all sides.

It's not something I can easily explain, except to say that I am so thankful for an eldest daughter who shows strength and wisdom beyond her years helping her youngest sister try to understand why mom and dad aren't there on Christmas morning. I am so thankful for a youngest daughter who misses us and wants us home. I am so thankful for a middle daughter, who charges forward, sometimes drawing will and force from thin air it seems, and continues to fight for her life and her future. I am so thankful for a wife who has put her life on hold for as long as it takes to care for and support Harper, and still shows me love despite all my shortcomings.

You could argue that this all sucks, that I've drawn a shitty hand that I've no choice but to play. I often find my mind going there as well. But in reality, I am a lucky man. I have a wife that loves me, children who are the biggest blessing I could never have even imagined, and friends and family who have stuck by us, loved and supported us, and are showing no signs of slowing down.

No, this is not your typical Christmas for me and my family - but it is still an amazing Christmas of realizing and reminder of the love I find myself surrounded by - that I do not deserve.

And so I say, in a most unconventional way, it is a Merry Christmas.